Writing prompt for today: What makes you look sexy?Um.
Sexy, huh?
I have no idea. Well, that's not exactly right. Let's say, for argument's sake that I have no idea what people see when they look at me. i have no really clear idea what I look like when I move, when I smile; which is why I find mirrors and the Webcam so endlessly fascinating. Who is that girl in the mirror? She changes from moment to moment...
And I have this feeling that what people find sexy about me depends highly on who's looking at me. Someone might find my innocent eyes compelling. Someone else might find the way I run my hands over my hips when i'm nervous exciting.
I think the better question is what makes me feel sexy. Sexual.
The list is long: a loving gaze. Genderfucks. Good poetry. The cruel green dress. High heels. When I've got my hair in a French twist and lipstick on. When i'm given unsolicited compliments. When I've been eloquent.
Fingers running lightly along my forearms or the back of my neck or the upper part of my back. A soft touch in the small of my back.
Being wicked and a tease. Being a top. Power. Helplessness.
The intimation that I might be innocent about anything. Braids. Sexy suggestions whispered in my ear.
Chocolate. Good conversation. Bare shoulders. Smelling edible.
A whole range of things...and now that spring is here, my sex drive has started to pick up again.
yay.
Here is is, Saturday night, and I am drunk.d r u n k, drunk.
Okay, it's not that bad. I've had the equivalent of a shot and a half of vanilla Stoli, and I'm pleasantly fuzzy around the edges but I can still type. I sincerely recommend vanilla Stoli in Coke to anyone who's looking for a new froofy drink to try.
*cackle*
It really is good. its probably better if you use real Coke, but I had diet Coke. It's a habit, now.
So I cleaned today. I washed the floor and washed the windows and cleaned the microwave and scrubbed EVERYTHING in the bathroom and did the dishes and washed the front door and scrubbed down the entryway and washed all my laundry including my sheets and rotated and turned the mattress and de-mildewed the wall next to my bed (my GOD that was gross) and brushed the cats and pulled weeds in the backyard. And then about four pm i looked around and I couldn't find anything else to clean. I mean, i ran out. Just plain out of things to scrub. I made a half-hearted move to re-scrub the front door but thought better of it.
It was beautiful today, too. Sunny and it must have been 65 out. It justified me wearing shorts and a tank top. One uncomfortable realization: since I've been doing work on my upper body, this tank top i'm wearing doesn't really fit any more. It fit last month, but now the arm holes are just a teensy bit too tight for comfort.
Proving, once again, that I am a born weightlifter. My god. I could probably whup about 90% of my male friends at arm wrestling. The right haircut and i'd be an instant butch.
Not, of course, that i'm planning on giving up my femmey ways. Or my hair. I have to admit that there's something appealing about the idea of a femme who, underneath the slinky clothes, can lift very heavy things. Kind of a don't fuck with me, buddy, I can kick your ass six ways till sunday without breaking a nail sort of thing.
So, yeah. Misha's going to be here tomorrow for a week, and I'm very happy and excited about this. It'll be the first time I've seen her in--what?--two years or so, and I'm looking forward to talking with her and showing her around. It looks like she's moving here either in april or in september (when she starts school),and when I heard this I literally spent five minutes jumping up and down and cheering. (good thing I was at home and not at work, eh?)
so. Tomorrow!
So, yeah, i'm drunk. Am I still drinking? *peers at glass* no, I appear to be finished drinking. A shame, really.This is the first time I've really gotten drunk since...um...had to have been last year sometime. I'm around a bunch of people who don't drink socially, so i hardly drink at all, any more.
I like alcohol, but not to excess. The warm fuzzy (shiny! as D would say) stage is quite enough for me. I've only gotten more seriously drunk than that on a regular basis once in my life, over a six month period when i was deliberately drinking because it distracted me from what was happening to me. I figured that everyone else's solutions seemed to be found at the bottom of a bottle--why couldn't mine?
I evidently don't have the genes to be an alcoholic. The day he pulled away in the moving van, I put the booze away in a cupboard and didn't take another drink for nine months. I was done with alcohol as a tool.
Now it's recreation on occasion. Something to do when I'm watching movies by myself on a Saturday night. I get giggly and silly and I log on and post stupid things on BBSes and nobody minds all that much.
And I have a warm bed with nice clean sheets waiting for me when i get tired enough to go to bed. YAY!
A blast from the past!(names and some details changes to protect the innocent)
Note the date...
From millerin@blue.weeg.uiowa.edu
Date: Mon, 24 Jul 1995 16:39:53 -0500 (CDT)
From: millering kristie anne <millerin@blue.weeg.uiowa.edu>
To: xxxxxx@xxxx.com
Subject: Re: close my eyes<deletia; half of this was the usual banter>
Okay, now to the meat of what I was wanting to say. You know how you said that going away for the weekend might be bad for my monogamy? Well, it was. No, no, I didn't break it, just bent it a bit, and it's not really at all appealing any more.
I spent a marvelous day with K and G--the three of us really had a wonderful time at the RenFaire. G was flirting all over the place. He's become strangely protective of me--he was apparently really worried that K was going to be on time to the bus station where she picked me up Saturday (he didn't want me wandering around by myself, but was fine with K wandering around by herself *heh*), and he was riding next to me in the truck on the way to the Faire...he had his arm around my shoulders, and every time the truck would slow suddenly, he'd tighten his arm around me, as if to hold me there. It was odd. He's never really shown anything like that for me before.
So, we got back, and we were sitting on the couch cuddling, and K started rubbing my feet. I reacted so well to this that it was quickly proposed that lotion be fetched and I was laid on G's bed and had the entirely of my body massaged. It was amazing. I literally couldn't move for a half hour afterwards. Then, G logged on and K and I was sitting talking, and the most amazing thunderstorm began...I decided I wanted to go out on the balcony and see it from there. so I did, and K joined me after a while, the two of us sitting out there, getting poured on and soaking, and watching the beautiful lightning. G joined us, and we all sat out for a long time. G was upset because of something that happened online, and we talked for a long while about that, and then crawled into bed, all three of us, and cuddled. I figured that we'd all just crash out, as we all had to be up in the morning.
No such luck.
G started playing with my breasts and quickly proceeded to get me rather worked up. K said (we talked about this today) that I look beautiful when I'm incoherent with pleasure. After a while, I got up the willpower to tell him to stop. He did...for a while. Then he started again. This continued for several hours, him teasing me unmercifully. K got a bit involved, but she mostly wanted to watch.
I didn't do anything that broke my vow of monogamy, but I certainly bent it a bit, as I said. I'm not sure why it happened...G and I have been perfectly able to sleep in the same bed without anything happening, and I expected the same thing to happen this time.
*shrugsigh* I don't know....it's turned my world a little bit on its ear, but I still need to talk to R. He was awfully cold to me both on the net and when I came home this morning (I had to leave again for work right away). There are times when it's a distinct disadvantage to be involved with a guy who doesn't express what he's feeling directly a lot of the time....
*frustrates*
So, there's what went on.
I think I'm confused. Well, maybe i'm not confused, just....insane. That's it.--Kris, oh so dizzy...
