the new zero
  May 7th: each of us is his own punishment


The downtime that was supposed to last at most for three days has stretched to over the week.

i miss my server. I miss my Web space. I miss my customized space. Hell, i miss my announce list.

US West has fucked up big time. I'm going to get DSL to my house (NOT through US West) and bring my server home. possibly sooner than US West will be able to get the co-op DSL up.

Which means (you guessed it!) MadstopCam! *hee*

I'm tired from working out, and I want to eat everything in the whole house. But I refrain. I'm not even going to have another tea biscuit. i'm just going to finish this and go to bed.

Cute domestic scene: Kallisti, happy as a clam, in a box. Lilith comes along, cuffs him up the side of the head until he gets out of the box. She jumps in and sits for approximately 30 seconds, then jumps out and walks away.

EVIL kitten.

I miss G. I wish he weren't so far away, i know he could use a hug right now, and someone to maybe talk to for a bit.

Were there any male I could fall in love with, he'd be the at the top of the list, still. But the chance for that has passed, a long time ago, so I will be content loving him as i love him.

So in the absence of much of anything else to say, here's some stuff I wrote today:

armistice

i'd like to lie
with my head on your chest again
for just a little

and hear
your heart
and remember

you are alive, we both
have survived

this war. i am sorry
for my absence
in the foxholes

sorry for what may not be mended;

but i still speak truly
when i speak of love
and i still miss your eyes
and your taste. let there be comfort
between us.

let me pick you a poppy, just one.

—kiam, 5/7/99 for G

 

They wanted to know my superiors,
to whom did I report?
I told them I accounted to no one,
that each of us is his own punishment.
If I love you, one of them cried out,
what would you give up?
There were others before you,
I wanted to say, and you'd be the one
before someone else. Everything, I said.

from What They Wanted by Stephen Dunn

outside: May is so tempermental!
doing: stetching out
to do: vacation day!
link: The Dark Backward
energy level (out of ten): 5
dream: Uh. Evil ex dreams.


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