[my machine's hard drive is full. I'm working on either getting a new hard drive or another machine for the farm. updates will be irregular at best until I accomplish this. Argh.]
A whee ha hoo! I just managed to fix a problem with my worksite that has been bugging me for a week and a half now--a nasty little browser-specific layout bug that drove me up the wall.
and I fixed it! It took me a good solid hour and a half of fiddling and checking, but I managed to fix that and another bug that had also been bugging me for a while. life is pretty good.
When last we saw our heroine, she was fretting about insurance and going down to CA to get the car. That was a couple of weeks ago now, and yes, I got my insurance card and I drove the car up (with my mom's help, thanks mom!). I drove about 600 of the 900 miles, and got really familiar with the car while I was at it.Having the car has been interesting. I've come to take it for granted really, really quickly. I make a conscious effort not to drive it much, but I still like to drive it places. it takes so much less time to get anywhere when I don't have to take the bus. Over to FezGirl's house takes maybe 10 minutes or so by car, in contrast to the hour or so it takes by bus. I give people rides places. (It's my turn to repay all of those rides that people have given me over the years. I don't mind, and I consider it a goodwill donation to the universe at large.)
The car still doesn't have a name. it's starting to acquire a personality, though. I'm getting used to how it growls and purrs and when it's happy and when it's not.
it really likes going 80 MPH. I suppose I should be worried about this.
Somehow, though, it doesn't matter all that much to me. I will go as fast as I go and no faster.
This time of year, for me, is about reflection. A reflection on the year past, on my life in general, where I think I'm going. The three months between now and the solstice are always the hardest emotionally for me; not only because the lack of light has a definite impact on my moods, but also because the time between Halloween and Christmas were always difficult months anyway. too much contact with my biofamily was the price of the holiday season when I was growing up.I left some things behind on Samhain; a lot of grief and a whole lot of anger. I finally realized that it was time to lay the grudges down completely, forgive the hurts of the past entirely. To make my apologies to certain people, even if they'll never know that I did so. To forgive myself for missteps, remember the lessons, and live my life in joy and delight.
If the past year has taught me anything, it has taught me that grief and anger are not forever. It has taught me that there are shades of grey in everything, and that because I belong to the human race, I too am fallible, and that's all right. I've learned that I am not all one thing or another, that it's possible to be a mixture of both the sweet and the bitter without losing any of the qualities of each.
I've learned about unity, about being fully present. I may not be good at being present all the time, but I'm getting better. I've learned about communication, both with myself and with other people, and I've learned how to listen to the voice of my body and my emotions.
I've learned that sometimes, it's best just to walk away.
I've learned that I have amazing friends. I've learned that I am incredibly blessed by love. I've learned that I don't feel jealous unless I feel threatened, and when I know I'm secure it's very hard to tip my emotional balance.
I've learned how to make decisions, and more about how to handle money.
and I've grown up a lot. I got my driver's license. I tried a bunch of new things. I learned how to bake bread.
It's been a good year.
I'm not going to talk about it much here, but I've had a bunch of Happy Things (tm) happen to me in the past couple of days. more details to come, but I am one astoundingly happy girl at the moment.
new yearyou go before me
in this candlewarm room,
not as dreams but realizations
of grief. in this circle
as we speak the names of the dead
the things we leave behind
the gifts we send to Hades
the candles flicker;and I begin to speak.
tonight I put down my grief
carried close for a year.
Tonight I release you from me,
shining boy who died too young,
my quirky black-sheep aunt
dead after 15 painful years.tonight I put down my anger
carried until it was a worn shadow
tattered like a voodoo doll
well-used over many years.Tonight I put down my cruelty
that protected me for so long.And here in this circle surrounded
by love you go before me;
carried in Persephone's arms
held warm through the lightless time.
Messages of love and apology
are carried down to the dark halls;
we sing together, and wait for light.
Best reason to open boxes in the basement
You open one of the 997 boxes on this floor and find...
A phrasebook, with only one phrase written in over 200 languages, some human, some not. It says, "I am not food."
how goes the war?
All is quiet, out here on the northwestern front. Attempted to interrupt the cake supply lines, but no cake was being transported today.
