It's 11:15 PM on Thanksgiving night, and I'm awake.
Tell me, what is wrong with this picture?
In a perfect world, I would be in bed, curled up with Chris, snoring happily away. But I had two cups of coffee with dessert, and I am exhausted yet somehow, strangely, wide awake.
This is the third time I've been struck by insomnia in two weeks. This is...unusual. Usually, I have no problems sleeping.
Of course, I haven't been really good about taking my medications lately. Which isn't all that surprising; I've really let everything kind of slide for the past couple of months while I focused on other people.
I'm returning my focus to myself, now. I paid two months' worth of bills yesterday [whoops!], I've been cleaning a room a day for the past week, and I'm trying to put my life back in order so I can deal with living it for a while.
The time change really threw me for a loop this year. And I let it; I think I sort of wanted to see what would happen when a destabilizing event happened in my life. Would I try to control my reactions? Would I try to control the event? What would I do?
I guess I have my answer now. A little depression, nothing serious. A little difficulty in motivating myself to do the basic things I know need to done. A few memory problems.
nothing serious at all.
And I think I'm on my way to recovering. If nothing else, I've switched over into winter mode, and I'm starting to think about what I need to do to get myself back on track.
Yes, I'm going to do what everyone else is doing today.I am thankful for:
- my family, all of it. My biofamily, who taught me all sorts of things, both correct and incorrect. My chosen family, who are teaching me about love.
- my health; for I am healthier this Thanksgiving than I have been for a number of years.
- my past; for it has given me a voracious appreciation of my present.
- my independence and self-determination. I stand on the shoulders of my feminist forebears when I, as a woman, dare to own property, work in my own name, and remain unmarried.
- my cats, who demonstrate to me every day the value of things-as-they-are.
- being able to live in Seattle, a vibrant city with wonderful weather. [you think I'm kidding. I'm not.]
- being alive at the end of the century. I think this is a pretty damn historic time, and even though the world is severely messed up, i'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.
- The Web. Sounds silly, but I really am grateful. The Web pays my rent and puts food in my mouth. Without the Web I'd probably be a starving writer. Heh.
- for the strength I have found in my soul; though I may be scattered and distracted sometimes, I have found my center again, and I will always remember where it is now.
- for how things always seem to work out in their own timeline.
- for lots and lots of other things. I am incredibly lucky.
This morning, I went to see Toy Story 2 with Das Vunderkind, FezGirl, and Lumiere, as well as Vunderkind's dad. It was a fun time; the movie decidedly didn't suck.I have to turn in my cynic badge, I think. Going to movies filled with small children used to be torture; this time it was just plain fun.
And then there was dinner at Puddle and Roland's place. Puddle is an amazing cook, there was lovely conversation, and a good time was had by all. We had roast beef rather than the traditional turkey, which was a marvelous change of pace.
I have jumped on the bandwagon. I have a Weblog. Fear this.[I also updated the cast page.]
thanks givingfor rain in winter, for all
things in their own time.for dark red love-knots,
for laughter in kitchens and
in cupboards and under stairs,
for kisses given and stolen
under berries white like pearls.for children and cats, both sleeping
and in tornado whirls of motion.for passion and for disappointment,
for broken hearts and the lessons
learned from injury.for family both given and earned.
for endless motion in these misty nights,
these clear velvet nights, these moonless
lightless nights that stretch forever
till morning comes, and renews faith.for the coming and going of light.
for wonder.
for drumbeats.
for heartbeats.ah, traveller, come in;
we have forgiveness aplenty
even for you, our intimate stranger.
how goes the war?
a stick of butter, a loaf of bread, a quart of milk...
