Dream|Reality

April 27th; today I am Witch Baby

Dream:

[i'm reading Francesca Lia Block's books right now, and they're slipping into my dreams.]

A voice. "You are Witch Baby, a rose fully blown, and your pain is beautiful." And the chorus, "You are nothing, you are horrible, you are everything, we are the dark litany, you will be fearsome."

There isn't a narrative structure to this one, as far as I remember. Just Witch Baby and me and the chorus of voices, dancing and dancing and acting out and clinging to each other. And reminders that I will be free, someday soon.

The Moment

CD: The Honesty Room, Dar Williams; Steady On, Shawn Colvin
Book: Dangerous Angels, Francesca Lia Block
Outside: omigawd it's so beautiful! I love this city in spring and summer.
Doing: redoing a table of contents. Argh.

 


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"I was feeling imploded
a wooden smile a wooden heart
then things exploded
like a rocket in the dark
now i'm pulling out splinters
and I'm off to hibernate somewhere
for the nuclear winter
of another love affair
'cause he seemed like a miracle
(I ate it up like cereal)
but it was something like schrapnel
(steady) Go steady on!

I will keep my head on straight
(steady on, steady on)
Oh, steady on!

Shawn Colvin, "steady on"

Reality:

This morning, i think I'm just one of the luckiest women alive. I don't have to obsess about anything since Shannon has agreed to spend nights at Madstop until he moves, and there's a new picture of Melli on the Web. She doesn't usually look this goth but since i have a weakness for goth girls I am just in love love love with this picture. (Goodness. i'm sappy.)

But there she was this morning getting fitted for her wings/Leather boots, magenta hair, and saying nasty things/I'd say she was an angel, but it's stupid and it's obvious/I said you'll hate it here 'cause we're the only ones like us/it's crypto-fascist mania, it's silicon deliria/"Yeah," she said, "You're right, but I like the cafeteria"

I didn't get a tattoo this weekend, but I made an appointment for tomorrow.

What else? Oh, i took a roll and a half of pictures of Eastlake and environs a couple of days ago, and when I get the last half-roll shot, I'll be sending them off to be developed.

I spent yesterday on Capitol Hill. I was walking down the street, and someone sitting on a stoop said, "Excuse me young--" and I turned, looked at him, determined he didn't have anything I wanted, and kept on walking. At the moment I did that, he interrupted himself to say, "Hey, she's pretty!"

One unsolicited compliment can keep me flying high for hours. (But it has to be unsolicited.)

Nothing else for today, except that I am busy at work, Shannon got the apartment that he wanted and is moving out the 15th, I will be meeting a prospective roommate this weekend, and I have conceived a plan to get myself out of debt by year's end, and things are, at the moment, going pretty well.

Ohmygoodness. I was reading Tesserae's journal and when she said she was eating tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, I thought, "hey...that sounds tasty!" It's been a month and a half since I've had any real thoughts about food other than the base desire to make the growling in my stomach stop or to eat to drown out the bad thoughts and feelings that have been everpresent...(I've resisted, mostly. go me.)

So, tonight's dinner will probably be tomato soup and grilled cheese. Because I want to celebrate the miracle that is being able to think about food in the concrete sense of "I'm hungry and I want to eat it because it tastes good" and not this abstract half-hunger half-emotional outlet weird thing I've been doing.