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Dream:
A dream of smells and tastes only. A scent of a damp basement or a cave, stone walls and seeping water. The way granite tastes when the rain has washed it clean. A zing of electricity; perhaps there has just been a thunderstorm?...and a rich smell of earth, so i'm in Iowa, after a storm.
Then, more water, and then the ocean, the scent of brine. The ocean has come to the farmland. Before i understand what this means, I am flung away, smelling void and tasting starlight. i am traveling between the stars, my extremities are great vanes catching the streams of atoms flowing away. And the first sound: a long, low moan...a I think, a star is flaming out, and then everything is suddenly on fire...
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The Moment
CD:The Honesty Room, Dar Williams
Book: Jovah's Angel, Sharon Shinn
Outside: torrential rain, and then sun
Doing: trying to remember to bring CD's home
Link: fonts for people with computers!
Horoscope: "You've enjoyed your many friendships so much more than
romance, that the phrase "just lovers" rings truer than
"just friends." Now, however, you see a certain friendship
headed for the hot and heavy. Beware the danger of evolving
too quickly as you two are increasingly treated as a couple.
Leave well enough alone for now; the time is not right."
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"either he was up to no good, or he just liked watching things burn down"
Dar Williams, "when Sal's Burned Down"
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Reality:
Well, yes, the cat came back, and that, my friends, is that.
On to other things.
I got mail from Maggy Donnea about our present darkness...and she liked it! i may faint. It was actually quite a good letter, quite profound, telling me that I have reached her, touched her.
And Greglin (oh he who is against a web page..I may do one about him, some day) has been pounding my head open with good thoughts about me. And Melanie is joining in the effort, as well..."You know what your problem is? Self doubt, massive self doubt, and a string of men who have exaggerated that by lying to you..."
Amen, Greg. Amen.
I might have a shred of self esteem or two again one of these days. Stranger things have happened, i'm sure.
I did clean and do dishes (griping about the smell all the time...that's the last time I go two weeks without washing my dishes!), and I managed to get column out this morning, so things are pretty much set for me to be gone. i'm still doing laundry, but it should be done by the time I pack tomorrow.
I think i'm okay with life again. Amazing how that happens, after a while. Heh.
I'm still rather resentful that Shannon apparently went on with his life without a skipped beat...but then i remember that I used to provoke him just to make him show some emotion towards me, even if it was anger. He never figured out that all he had to do was show a little blood, and I'd quit.
But enough reflection.
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