There is a Hostess display in the deli next door--the rows of junk food are topped by a maniacal raccoon, leering at the twinkie it has evidently broken in half just to watch the filling ooze out.This is a pretty good summation of my week so far. Bizarre. not bad, just...bizarre.
I was on Capitol Hill yesterday waiting for a bus to the doctor's, and a girl walked up to me. She had what looked like heavy bags in each hand. she said, "Can i ask you a favor?" When i nodded, she said, "Can you pull my hood up for me?" so i did.
It felt very odd, being asked by a perfect stranger for a clothing adjustment.
Then i caught the bus to my appointment, and sat down and talked with my doctor for a bit. I'm being put on a higher dose of my meds, which i've been lobbying for for a couple of years now. I was also put on a variety of herbal stuff for my PCO, which is at least a step in the right direction. It really amazed me that she considers taking the Pill to be a last-resort solution in my case. This is a good thing, believe you me. The Pill makes me insane, and it kills my sex drive.
I also had a gyn exam, which wasn't much fun (they never are). Wahoo, pap smears. I had my blood pressure taken and it was normal, which was a change from the entire year before. I'd had worryingly high blood pressure, which was strange because I'd never had even slightly elevated blood pressure before. The difference? No caffeine from my last appointment till then, and it's been a couple of weeks since I left my last job. I got a stern talking-to on the evils of caffeine, which not only raises my blood pressure but interferes with the functioning of my reproductive system. So as of today, i'm off caffeine entirely.
I think i'm going to take the opportunity afforded by all of this fun medical treatment to see if I can't get healthy. This weekend is Norwescon, which is a lovely place for a last hurrah of unhealthy behavior. Eat, drink, and be merry, for next week we purify the body.
This body is, much of the time, like an ill-fitting suit of clothes. i can't stop picking at it. this is my attempt to change things so I'll be happy in it. do a little tailoring, as it were.
I really want to work on getting back into my body. I am so divorced from it, so separate from anything to do with my physicality, that I feel like a bundle of minds hauling a recalcitrant and angry body around. I want to get back into my own skin, snuggle down inside of it, make it mine once more. Maybe the energy the new meds will afford me will help. i always have hope.
I need to learn how to apply eyeliner. i want to be a gothy eyeliner chick.
i was sitting on the Cambus, listening to the radio someone had brought with them and was playing quietly three rows back. It was "Linger" by the Cranberries. And i knew i was going to leave him. strange how these memories ambush you.
I'm such a fool for you
you got me wrapped around your finger
do you have to let it linger?—Linger, The Cranberries
outside: it was pretty for all of an hour today
doing: getting ready for Norwescon
to do: take a bath
words: The Losers, David Eddings
heavy rotation: Something by Sleater-Kinney
link: IMDB
energy level (out of ten): 5
dream: hanging upside down, I am swinging gently. A man comes by; he is upside down, and asks me if I have lost a kitten. I tell him, no, no kittens here. He says that's the point.
