So this week has been a push to get organized.
I have in my backpack a lovely little list of meals for the rest of the week. I have this tendency, when I get hungry, to stare into the fridge and completely space on whatever I'd planned to eat that evening. I end up rifling through the fridge and eating something that is either entirely unappetizing or completely not good for me. If I've written down what I want to eat beforehand, then I'll remember to actually make it. *heh* Or, at least, this is how I hope it works.
I'm also working on a morning/evening list, since the one currently in the bathroom is completely out of date. The morning/evening list is basically a list of things I have to do every morning and every evening--things like getting up, showering, brushing my teeth, and packing a lunch. It also has things on it like being sure to take out the garbage on Tuesday mornings (which I forgot to do this morning--but I have a feeling I might have done it when I got home last night, which is good).
Tonight is also a company party, which is inconvenient for me as I have dinner to go to with a friend tonight. It starts at four, which means I'll get to pop my head in before I whisk myself off home to shower and change for dinner. Actually, that sounds pleasant--pop my head in, get a little bit to nosh on, have a half glass of wine, talk to some people, and then woosh off home where there's a hot shower waiting for me.
Ah, the life of the urban professional. Having a car will make my life one hell of a lot easier, that's for sure.
Speaking of which, I get to fill out forms for car insurance this week and send them back in. Must remember to do this at the earliest possible opportunity so things can be in place by the time I actually go down to get the car. I suppose, if it doesn't go through in time, I could just lie to my mom about it, but that just wouldn't be cool. I already deceive her enough; I don't want to add to the list, particularly.
I don't really like deceiving her. It used to be a challenge to lie to my parents—how much could I get away with? how much of what I wanted could I get without letting them know I was getting it? How could I get my way with the least amount of fuss?
Now that I'm no longer living with them, the game has palled significantly. I can have my way, whether they like it or not.
So much of what I wanted seems, in retrospect, to be so...unimportant. They didn't like me going downtown by myself, so I told them I was going to our local branch library to get books, when in reality I was going to the downtown branch which had a lot more books. They hated it when I went to San Francisco by myself, so I just didn't tell them I was going. Lights-out was at nine, so I stayed awake in the dark past 11 and when everyone else had gone to bed, read by the light of my flashlight. They didn't like me hanging out with some of my friends (who were perfectly respectable art fags and freaky geeks, thank you) so I just lied about where I was going and occasionally had people pick me up a block or so from the house.
I mean, would it really have been so hard for them to give up a little control of me? I've always been an independent person, and I'm really good at staying out of trouble. So many of my parents' obsessions make little or no sense to me; by the time I was able to get to San Francisco I was well equipped to handle whatever happened there, for instance. I was an insomniac and a night owl, so early bedtimes made absolutely no sense to me at all.
All I had to do was be clever and crafty, and I could do whatever I wanted while maintaining the semblance of being the good daughter. and I was very clever when it came to things I really wanted.
Which, of course, set a precedent that caused disasters to happen when I got into relationships.
Like I said, I'm really tired of that game. I don't play it with lovers or friends any more, and I'd really rather not play it with my parents.
I wonder if it's time yet for the wizard to step out from behind the curtain?
So sitting in here in the mostly-dark with my headphones on, catching my reflection in the picture I have yet to hang and drinking my afternoon liter of water. I remember now why there are always watermelon Jolly Ranchers left in the bowl. It's because watermelon Jolly Ranchers SUCK. Ew.
I look like something from outer space with my big glasses that reflect the light and my big headphones distorting the shape of my head. And then there's the water bottle. My outline is just really sort of freaky.
seasonalbecause it is fall
and the smells of my lake
are misty with applesbecause there is joy at
returning clouds, drizzle,
days when it's best just to stay inevenings perfect for baths
so hot the windows in the house
all frost overbecause it's time for coats
and turtlenecks and girls
with sweatered breastsbecause fall's temptations
are slow, cool, a sigh
after frantic summerbecause this year it arrived
exactly on timebecause of these we raise a toast:
to the labors of summer now done
to the birds we say goodbye to
to houses that smell of nutmeg
to the turning of the world
to our feathered fall towards solstice.—10/12/99
Best reason to order food online:
Because you don't have to deal with the phone.
how goes the war?
Drawing up plans and organizing the troops.
