stone against skin August 26th: she'll sleep with the fish or the angels, you choose "If the revolution's coming, it had better come damn quick." —Hunter S. Thompson

Dream: I had a really odd dream involving a bunch of doctors' offices, but now i can't remember it. i hate it when I do that.

Reality: I realized last night that I completely missed the two-year anniversary of the last time I had "real" sex (you know, the penile/vaginal variety) with a guy. That anniversary was back in May. I'm pretty sure the last time i did was with Rich. It was nice, as far as I remember. I was pretty messed up because Trav had just pulled his cute little mindfuck on me, but I wasn't actually feeling it yet. I don't think I was thinking at the time 'this is the last time that i'll do this for a long time, maybe forever.' It's just kind of worked out that way--and if I ever do it again, it had better be with someone who loves me a lot and who will understand if I freak out. And I was trying to figure out if I missed it, and the answer is 'not really'. It was never my favorite part of sex with men. (although, come to think of it, I really enjoyed it in the beginning. Then it kind of palled.) I don't feel sad at the thought of never having that kind of sex ever again. I liked it, and now I don't, and I don't feel one way or the other about it. I have my favorite guys, and i'll happily cuddle with them, but otherwise...it's just not exciting to think about, you know? Not an important part of my life any more. No longer relevant to me. It's just kind of weird to think about. ***** I got bored with teal. I changed it. ***** Interesting conversations with a pair of exes today--discussing possibly moving to Minneapolis. They're both of the "whatever makes you happy" turn of mind, and I still don't know. I got a possible job lead today for an information-designer position, and if that pans out i may be moving to Minneapolis. Possibly, this would be a mistake. Possibly, it would be the best move i've ever made. I'm torn, I'm torn, i'm torn. I could be everything I am now here there. Except probably happier because Melli would be there, too. speaking of the girl, Paula and I were sitting around last night and talking about how she'd make everything better if she was there. She has this kind of clarifying effect on everyone she comes in contact with, which is very comforting. ***** I'm reading Following Smoke and trying to imagine what the hell she was thinking. What the hell I was thinking. It's odd to go back over old writings and see the things that become perfectly crystal clear--I was not happy, and most of the unhappiness in my life stemmed from having a partner who was supercritical of everything I did. ah, well. Things have changed. I'm much happier now, and my outlook on life has improved about a thousand percent. I'm probably not even depressed most days. *hee* Even my dilemmas are happier, now. So much changes when you're not trying so hard to please someone who simply will not be pleased.

I'm a banner. Ohmmmmmmmm. the moment: CD: Poe, Hello Book: The Great Shark Hunt, Hunter S. Thompson Outside: kinda chilly, but still nice Doing: manymany meetings Link: Hoopla! {{previous}} | {{next}} stone against skin archives | reads | backstory | cast | why? home   your assignment: there's a stone outside where you live, waiting for you to find it. go look.

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