I am the smell/taste of lemons, sharp and clean and sour. I am large-pupiled eyes, gathering all possible light. I am endless paitence coupled with the restlessness of youth. I am endless dusty rooms, closed forever. I am a huge meadow, a crumbling castle, girls in blue dresses running forever in the sunshine. I am dust motes hanging golden in afternoon light, daquri ice sherbert, a falcon, screaming and stooping, feet curled into fists to smack my prey out of the air. I am a sleepy-eyed housecat, ears always pricked. I am driving alone late at night, music loud, one eye open for cops.I am oceans and oceans of water, flowing, I am wild mustard, marking my springtime path home, I am the bells of the nunnery, calling me to prayer. I am the glass wand, the black-handled knife, the woven cord that binds them both.
I am worn black boots, empty after a day's work. I am a battered straw hat that smells like a raincloud. I am long days spent wandering. I am the noise and the hurry of the city, I am the still quiet of a winter night in the mountains. I am the blue light of the moon falling on the cold snow. I am hundred-foot-tall pine trees and the quiet cackling of a Stellar's jay.
I am mud puddles and plants greened by a recent rain. I am open windows and doors, a corner with a rocking chair in it, a good book on a grey day. I am pad thai, sweet and hot on the tongue. I am gummi worms and rice pudding, freshly-baked bread and melting cheese.
I am a storm, raging. I am anger, out of control. I am fear, warning of what is to come. I am detachment, freeing me to fight again another day.
And I am the sweet calm that follows rage, the freshening breeze, the land healing itself once more.
One step at a time, i am figuring out my life. Tonight, i'm going to go get at least one and perhaps two more pieces of furniture. The storage closet was finally emptied out (yay!) so i got to put all of those things that were out waiting to move into their new homes away.I even managed to get the dining nook mostly cleared out, as I unearthed the table and swept the floor. Of course, i just relocated the mess to the kitchen, but i figure one of these days I'll manage to get all of the clutter sorted out and put away. Then I paid the bills (okay, almost all of the bills; I've run out of checks, and it'll be today or tomorrow before i actually get new ones) and went to bed.
And as a treat a couple of days ago, I went to Storables. (The Web site is reasonably lame, and doesn't have even a fraction of the stuff they have for sale there.) I was in heaven. nirvana. I *love* boxes and bags and all manner of storage equipment, and the clever things that people come up with when they have too much time on their hands. I almost bought a number of things, including this really nifty CD storage case that has drawers that whisper out at you when you push a button, a paper towel holder, and a tall metal bookcase-type thing to put the machines i'll be moving home on. And I was thinking, "wow, I need clear plastic boxes to put all my tapes in, don't I?"
But I refrained. Now that I have a better idea of what I need to store, I will be returning eventually, list in hand. But not till i have the place clean or some reasonable semblance thereof, because then I'll have a much better idea of what needs to be stored and what already has a home.
I'm also looking at/sitting on/shopping for a couch. I want a couch, semi-badly. I want a big, cushy couch, a couch that I can just sink into. A couch that will surround me with pillowy goodness.
A couch that will likely cost me an obscene amount of money. Ah, well.
I still have some places to look for couches; right now, i'm just getting fixed in my mind a picture of what I want a couch to be.
So what, you may ask, have i actually been doing?Household stuff, actually. I'm trying to take better care of my body, so that's in there, too. There's just so much *work* that needs to be done, between house and myself, that i'm really quite driven to distraction. And i'm going out of town this weekend, as well; this is a kind of awkward time for me to be doing so, but I'll manage.
[just remembered that it's going to be really hard to stick with the diet while camping. ah, well. there is time for atonement later, I guess.]
I haven't managed to get much actual writing done, mostly because i'm doing wok on another Website of mine that's really been chewing up all of my free hours. I think I'm almost done with it, though; and i have some ideas for new stuff I want to write about.
And I'm feeling rather short-tempered, as well, for whatever reason. No idea why; maybe it's sleep deprivation.
I'll be glad when I get everything done and can just have some time for myself.
Jun 21, 2000 4:39 PM from Idat I'M FREE! [Purgatory> msg #9689 (11 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 4:41 PM from ***** Wow, so the rumors about how expensive you are are just *wrong*, I guess. :) [Purgatory> msg #9690 (10 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 4:52 PM from ******* silly kris--she thinks she's free. ha! mike wont be able to get that stuff out of your closet for at least 30 hours. then, maybe, you will be free. [Purgatory> msg #9691 (9 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 7:39 PM from ******* Thank God - I thought I was going to have to BUY an Idat. [Purgatory> msg #9692 (8 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 7:41 PM from ******** IDat? Does she come in five fun colors? [Purgatory> msg #9693 (7 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 8:25 PM from ****** flavors, actually. [Purgatory> msg #9694 (6 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 8:29 PM from ******* *sings* She comes in colors everywhere . .. [Purgatory> msg #9695 (5 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 8:31 PM from ****** I want a Lime iDat [Purgatory> msg #9696 (4 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 8:34 PM from ******* Does she wear the cruel dress for that? [Purgatory> msg #9697 (3 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 21, 2000 9:19 PM from ***** Is she DVD compatible? [Purgatory> msg #9698 (2 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 22, 2000 7:41 AM from **** **** There are so many ways I could contribute to this conversation.... Unfortunately I REALLY don't want my butt kicked all over perdition. *whistles innocently* [Purgatory> msg #9699 (1 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next Jun 22, 2000 7:54 AM from Idat *laughs* I would be DVD compatible if someone would buy me a real DVD player. I refuse to confirm or deny the allegation that I come in five fun colors. [Purgatory> msg #9700 (0 remaining)] Read cmd -> Jun 22, 2000 8:14 AM from ***** ANd for once, I don't have incriminating pictures and/or video. Damn. Even if Idat's free, I bet I could have made a pretty penny ;) I'd share, honest! [Purgatory> msg #9701 (0 remaining)] Read cmd -> Next
