Last night, I went and got a Christmas tree.

I gathered up Sterling and Chris and we headed south, stopping at Target for a tree stand and some rope, and headed down to Ikea. Ikea does this nifty "tree rental" thing--they charge you $19 for a tree, and after Christmas, when you bring it back, you get $10 of it back in the form of an Ikea gift certificate.

So we go through Ikea and get Swedish meatballs to eat, since we were all starving. I swear Ikea put something addictive in their meatballs; every so often I get a craving for them that *must* be satisfied, and nothing will do but Ikea swedish meatballs. So we ate and then hit the Christmas section, where I bought some little ornaments and a roll of wrapping paper that's not terribly christmasy. Sterling picked out a bunch of little things, including an Advent wreath and a bitty little tree for her dresser. We paid for our stuff and then headed out to the main attraction--the tree lot.

I was looking for a reasonably specific size of tree--not too small, but not too large, either. I wanted it to be a little taller than me, so it would be about six feet in the actual stand. We shuffled about, sifted through, and found a tree that everyone present was happy with. Then we got it bagged up and the guy tied it on top of my car, and away we went.

65 MPH with a tree tied to the top of my car was...interesting. There's a reason the car's reasonably aerodynamic, and I found out exactly why on the freeway. The engine whined and grumbled about it. Once I got off the freeway, I didn't even notice it.

We got the tree off and into the house, and got the stand set up. Then it was a bit of negotiation as we tried to get it to stand upright. I screwed the little brackets into the stand and the tree stood beautifully upright. It lists just a tiny bit, but I'm happy with it. And it smells *wonderful*. I'm such a little kid about Christmas now. I haven't really cared for a few years, but the addition of the tree to the house has switched on my Christmas tendencies.

I celebrate a secular Christmas, since I'm a pagan, and keep the Solstice. I miss doing Advent, though, and I'm seriously thinking about writing a pagan Advent--light one more candle a week for the four weeks before the Solstice, and then for the four weeks after the Solstice lighting one fewer candle each week as the light returns.

I'll probably write it this year (and pick up an Advent wreath) and celebrate it next year. I've got reasearch to do, I think....

So I've been busy and having a good time for the past couple of weeks that I haven't been writing. I did have a spate of deep depression; I'm not sure where it came from, but it took me a couple of days to get upright again. I always forget that around the solstice I seriously shut down my emotions, preparing for the longest night of the year. It's my yearly confrontation with what I call my shadow self--the itchy, dirty, snarling critter who lives in the dark and comes out when the weather gets cold and the light goes away.

Fortunately, it was short-lived and I'm at least closer to my former self at the moment. Something that contributed to it was that my ankle hurting, still--I kept reinjuring it, and I didn't realize just how nuts it was driving me until I followed the suggestion of someone online and bought one of those elastic ankle braces. It had been hurting going up and down stairs, as well as when I turned it the wrong way, and it had actually been hurting all the time at a low enough level that I was able to screen it out.

I was at the drug store anyway, so I decided to get an ankle brace. What the heck, it can't hurt, I told myself. So I got home, sat down, took my shoes and socks off, and pulled on the brace.

And a miracle occurred. My ankle stopped hurting. There was a certian amount of background pain that just stopped. It's absolutely amazing what a little piece of elastic can do.

Though I still got twinges when I did something silly like bend my foot in a severely wrong position, it was about a thousand percent better. I'm on my fourth day wearing it, and I'm just about ready to stop wearing it entirely; I think whatever I injured has healed enough that I can avoid reinjuring it if I'm reasonably careful and don't fall ass over teakettle again any time soon.

Then again, this *is* me we're talking about. I think I'll keep the brace around, just in case. Maybe I'll buy another one. Just in case, of course.

On the first, I was walking to catch the bus when I saw a crowd up ahead of me. I walked up to it, wondering what was going on. A young man and woman stood in the middle of the sidewalk, eating fire. I grinned. Street theater makes even the prosaic greyness of Second and Stewart magical. I couldn't stay and watch, but I was glad to see them out.

in contemplation of knot, I become knotted

There are things I never learn unless
I walk alone through my neighborhood on a foggy night.
The way the chill creeps under
the collar of my jacket with tiny fingers.
There's a children's bowling alley I never suspected
up here. Apartments. The chirp of a car alarm
flashing on. The silence rubs against the light poles,
a live thing with sharp claws and crackling fur.

There are things I never learn until
I spend an hour untangling a fragile chain
tossed carelessly into the drawer.
Picking carefully at the knots with a pin,
finding the one loop that pulls the knot free.
I wrap around myself and pull free as the chain
slips away from my fingers and questing pin.
I run the chain along my upper lip, mindful
as I feel the metal catch, release, catch again.

There are things I never learn unless
I spend hours and days alone, swinging gently
from the results of my desire, digging
under all my apparent surfaces, looking
with dirty hands for everything buried and whole.
This contemplation--this degeneration--
my face smudged and my eyes moon-bright--
in all of it I revel. My head raised, I face
the onrush of winter with sharp teeth and
glittering eyes. Come, snow. I have learned
your lessons, and I am ready for you.

I am ready for the silence, the white winds,
the scream of a seagull against a glittering night.

previous entry   next entry
before | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | after

the new zero
| archives | reads | backstory | cast | what | why?
home
email