Nice consequence of the DNS hack I put up yesterday: you no longer need the www part of www.madstop.org to get here. Rah!Projects for today: getting a real final deadline on the newest book. figuring out what the title of the new thing i'm doing is going to be and, more incidentally, what it should look like. Listening to Glenn Gould and worrying that maybe i'm missing something.
Mornings are rough for me. I look at the clock, bury my head, and moan, "No..." I toss and turn. i make up excuses to myself not to get up. Just another five minutes, just another snooze button hit, just another little nap before I have to drag myself out of bed to face the new day.
I don't get up unless the time ends in 5 or 0. Unless i'm running really late. As in, "It's 7:48 and I MUST GET OUT OF BED NOW or I won't get to work till 10 and that would be BAD." I generally make it out of bed at 7:25 or 7:35; i'm really supposed to be up at 7. It's just struck me that my refusal to get out of bed unless the time ends in a 5 or a 0 is really bizarre. i have no idea why; it's probably yet another delaying tactic.
"I heard you're not moving to minneapolis.""I have a six month lease. I'm still thinking of going, but....the weather is kind of scary."
Fictional outtake:"The first thing I remember was simply exisiting. I think I was running, but I don't remember why. There were no whys in me then; I was pefectly without self-awareness. Things happened or did not happen, and i reacted appropriately.
"Never once did I wonder where i was, or think I am hungry. I didn't know about labels. I may have passed through many states of being, but only remember the last one. I had been running, and it was time to sleep, even if I did not tell myself it was time. I came to a soft place, and I slept.
"When I woke, I was changed. I did not know what had changed, but it made me nervous. I whined, and my voice came back to me, echoing in my head. That was the first self-aware moment I can remember. I was aware that I made the noise, and then a thing came into my head. It hurt. It was a knowledge, that the sound I had made was a whine, and that it belonged to a class of things called sounds, it was caused by me passing air through my throat in a certian way, it was generally a reaction to fear or other upset...
"And so on in that way, each new thought leading to a dozen more, cascading one after the other through my brain. I think I may have screamed. I know i passed out in the storm of definitions, and woke curled up on the floor, only to pass out again. I do not know how much time went by in in this state, but eventually the definitions came to me more slowly, the framework of knowledge built enough so that I knew where each new thought belonged.
"I woke and slept and woke again, trying to get used to the new things I knew.
"Then the images began appearing, and my education began in earnest."
Hosie got a copy of a videotape of her granfather debating LSD with Timothy Leary for Christmas. That is so cool!
and don't you love the leader of the band/equal parts butthead and peter pan—New Thing Now, Shawn Colvin
outside: misty and pretty
doing: being startled by people coming up behind me
link: Swanky is back!
dream: Lilith is pawing at my face. she wants to get under the sheets, because it's cold. When she gets under the covers, she wiggles down to my feet and curls around them, and keeps them warm.
(I think this might actually have happened, but I can't tell for sure.)
